Friday, June 3, 2011
Man Hates Everything About Tennessee
As one of the not-so-rare quondam residents of both Alabama and Tennessee, I see where this guy is coming from, and admire his devotion to his homeland. Folks like him have us trembling in our boots! Best of luck to this Bama fan...on realizing that Bama sucks!
7 Most Impressive Fake Southern Accents In Cinematic History
7. Garrett Hedlund, "Country Strong:"
I am in love with this movie, even though I honestly thought it was a joke the first 20 times I saw the preview. A crowning moment would definitely be the beloved Gwyneth Paltrow singing "I'm country stroooong" as fireworks went off in the background. Terrible. But thankfully there was Garrett Hedlund, a Minnesota man who somehow mustered an incredible Texas accent. The most shocking example of this was when he outshone Leighton Meester in their song, "Give in to me."
6. Jake Gyllenhaal, "October Sky:"
This 1999 film is about reaching for the stars (almost literally), even if no one believes in you. It's based on the true story of Homer Hickam, a cole miner's son who was inspired to build rockets after the launch of Sputnik. The film is set in Coalwood, West Virginia, although it was filmed entirely in Tennessee. Gyllenhaal was 18 when they began filming, and it was his first lead role. And surprisingly, his accent is very convincing. But maybe that's just the Gyllenhaalic in me speaking.
5. Nicole Kidman, "Cold Mountain:"
The 2003 film "Cold Mountain" is based on the novel by Charles Frazier. The movie tells the story of a wounded deserter from the Confederate Army who is on his way back home to his true love. Jude Law and Nicole Kidman play the lead roles although there are quite a few other famous actors including Renee Zelweger, Natalie Portman, Jack White, Kathy Baker, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Kidman gives an amazing performance, and her accent is spot-on the whole time. For a movie like this one, it's necessary, because it would be horrendous if it weren't taken seriously.
4. Rachel McAdams, "The Notebook:"
It was the only movie that had the ability to make all of the boys in my high school cry. "The Notebook" is a great movie, ironically based on the most terrible novel Nicholas Sparks ever wrote. It was that bad. But that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is the combination of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams is perfect, especially because McAdams brings the heat with her surprisingly convincing southern accent. It starts off strong and then sort of tapers a little at the end, but we all teared up anyway, right?
3. Ewen McGregor, "Big Fish"
"Big Fish" is the story of a man who is trying to figure out where his father's storytelling ends and reality begins. The 2003 Tim Burton film was based on the 1998 novel of the same name by Daniel Wallace. Visually, it's an incredible movie, the script is very quotable, and Danny DeVito also gets naked in one scene. But the winning performance is the one by Ewen McGregor who plays Edward Bloom, and his fierce false Alabama accent. He's even got the southern charm down!
2. Tom Hanks, "Forrest Gump"
If you haven't seen "Forrest Gump," first of all, what? How? You must have been really confused when you went to eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Anyway, "Forrest Gump" is one of the greatest Tom Hanks films ever made, and that's saying a lot. The 1994 film is based on the 1986 Winston Groom novel, although the two tell the story very differently. But what really makes "Forrest Gump" notable is Hanks' incredible character development; he transforms into a slow, young southern man with impeccable skill. "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get." The accent is just a part of what makes "Forrest Gump" so famous.
1. Anna Paquin, "True Blood"
Okay, so "True Blood" is a show, not a movie, but it's an awesome one. The series is based on the Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris, which basically are a more risque version of "Twilight." But in a good way. "True Blood" is so gory and atrocious that it is actually a very entertaining show. It's based in Louisiana, and somehow the international cast maintain spot-on accents. The most impressive is Anna Paquin who plays Sookie, a girl who is country as cornbread. Paquin's character is very well-developed, likable, and her accent makes her believable. It must be tough to maintain the slang throughout so much screen time, but she's got it down.
So this is me tipping my hat to the best false southern accents I've heard. Better get to practicing, yankees!
I am in love with this movie, even though I honestly thought it was a joke the first 20 times I saw the preview. A crowning moment would definitely be the beloved Gwyneth Paltrow singing "I'm country stroooong" as fireworks went off in the background. Terrible. But thankfully there was Garrett Hedlund, a Minnesota man who somehow mustered an incredible Texas accent. The most shocking example of this was when he outshone Leighton Meester in their song, "Give in to me."
6. Jake Gyllenhaal, "October Sky:"
This 1999 film is about reaching for the stars (almost literally), even if no one believes in you. It's based on the true story of Homer Hickam, a cole miner's son who was inspired to build rockets after the launch of Sputnik. The film is set in Coalwood, West Virginia, although it was filmed entirely in Tennessee. Gyllenhaal was 18 when they began filming, and it was his first lead role. And surprisingly, his accent is very convincing. But maybe that's just the Gyllenhaalic in me speaking.
5. Nicole Kidman, "Cold Mountain:"
The 2003 film "Cold Mountain" is based on the novel by Charles Frazier. The movie tells the story of a wounded deserter from the Confederate Army who is on his way back home to his true love. Jude Law and Nicole Kidman play the lead roles although there are quite a few other famous actors including Renee Zelweger, Natalie Portman, Jack White, Kathy Baker, and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Kidman gives an amazing performance, and her accent is spot-on the whole time. For a movie like this one, it's necessary, because it would be horrendous if it weren't taken seriously.
4. Rachel McAdams, "The Notebook:"
It was the only movie that had the ability to make all of the boys in my high school cry. "The Notebook" is a great movie, ironically based on the most terrible novel Nicholas Sparks ever wrote. It was that bad. But that's beside the point. What I'm trying to say is the combination of Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams is perfect, especially because McAdams brings the heat with her surprisingly convincing southern accent. It starts off strong and then sort of tapers a little at the end, but we all teared up anyway, right?
3. Ewen McGregor, "Big Fish"
"Big Fish" is the story of a man who is trying to figure out where his father's storytelling ends and reality begins. The 2003 Tim Burton film was based on the 1998 novel of the same name by Daniel Wallace. Visually, it's an incredible movie, the script is very quotable, and Danny DeVito also gets naked in one scene. But the winning performance is the one by Ewen McGregor who plays Edward Bloom, and his fierce false Alabama accent. He's even got the southern charm down!
2. Tom Hanks, "Forrest Gump"
If you haven't seen "Forrest Gump," first of all, what? How? You must have been really confused when you went to eat at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Anyway, "Forrest Gump" is one of the greatest Tom Hanks films ever made, and that's saying a lot. The 1994 film is based on the 1986 Winston Groom novel, although the two tell the story very differently. But what really makes "Forrest Gump" notable is Hanks' incredible character development; he transforms into a slow, young southern man with impeccable skill. "Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get." The accent is just a part of what makes "Forrest Gump" so famous.
1. Anna Paquin, "True Blood"
Okay, so "True Blood" is a show, not a movie, but it's an awesome one. The series is based on the Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris, which basically are a more risque version of "Twilight." But in a good way. "True Blood" is so gory and atrocious that it is actually a very entertaining show. It's based in Louisiana, and somehow the international cast maintain spot-on accents. The most impressive is Anna Paquin who plays Sookie, a girl who is country as cornbread. Paquin's character is very well-developed, likable, and her accent makes her believable. It must be tough to maintain the slang throughout so much screen time, but she's got it down.
So this is me tipping my hat to the best false southern accents I've heard. Better get to practicing, yankees!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Continued: Best Lessons From Southern Literature
A continuation of my previous post on the Best Lessons From Southern Literature, brought straight to your face by the talented folks of the south:
2. Zora Neale Hurston: Be resourceful.
Alabama's very own Zora Neale Hurston published Their Eyes Were Watching God in 1937. The dialect sometimes makes the book very difficult to read, and in all sincerity, I actually read a large portion of the novel out loud to myself on the plane, which was probably terrible for everyone around me, but it was the only way I could understand what was going on. The novel tells the story of a young woman named Janie and her search for happiness. She goes through plenty of marriages and relationships, and she constantly faces new troubles. But what's cool about Janie is that she is resourceful enough to latch onto something better when things aren't going right for her. Find a situation in which this isn't true: Do what you can with what you have. That's exactly what Janie does, and it makes you want to try the same. Thanks for the lesson in courage, Hurston. Still not really keen on getting hitched with a guy named "Tea Cake" though.
1. William Faulkner: Crazy runs in the family.
A Mississippi man, Faulkner somehow figured out a way to terrify and disgust everyone. But very eloquently. Faulkner's got some pretty creepy stories, and one of my favorites is The Sound And The Fury, the story of a family and its problems. But when you're thinking of familial problems, you're probably thinking of divorce, a sickness in the family, or sibling rivalry. Those are issues that lots of people face, and although they're unfortunate, nothing compares to The Sound And The Fury. Told in four parts by the autistic son Benjy, the brilliant and tormented son Quentin, the greedy son Jason, and then in third person about a servant named Dilsey, the narrative focuses on a creepy obsession all of the sons share: their sister Caddy's virginity. Really. They each handle their love of her in a different way, but none of the alternatives are good. What's even more bizarre about the story? Caddy, although she is the main focus of the novel, doesn't have a section to speak her own mind in. Thanks Faulkner, now literally everyone feels oppressed. Oh, and one more thing - "A Rose For Emily" gives everyone nightmares. Great job, thanks man. Faulkner really knows how to let us all know that when someone's absolutely nuts, their family is probably worse.
What do you think of these lessons from southern literature?
Alabama's very own Zora Neale Hurston published Their Eyes Were Watching God in 1937. The dialect sometimes makes the book very difficult to read, and in all sincerity, I actually read a large portion of the novel out loud to myself on the plane, which was probably terrible for everyone around me, but it was the only way I could understand what was going on. The novel tells the story of a young woman named Janie and her search for happiness. She goes through plenty of marriages and relationships, and she constantly faces new troubles. But what's cool about Janie is that she is resourceful enough to latch onto something better when things aren't going right for her. Find a situation in which this isn't true: Do what you can with what you have. That's exactly what Janie does, and it makes you want to try the same. Thanks for the lesson in courage, Hurston. Still not really keen on getting hitched with a guy named "Tea Cake" though.
1. William Faulkner: Crazy runs in the family.
A Mississippi man, Faulkner somehow figured out a way to terrify and disgust everyone. But very eloquently. Faulkner's got some pretty creepy stories, and one of my favorites is The Sound And The Fury, the story of a family and its problems. But when you're thinking of familial problems, you're probably thinking of divorce, a sickness in the family, or sibling rivalry. Those are issues that lots of people face, and although they're unfortunate, nothing compares to The Sound And The Fury. Told in four parts by the autistic son Benjy, the brilliant and tormented son Quentin, the greedy son Jason, and then in third person about a servant named Dilsey, the narrative focuses on a creepy obsession all of the sons share: their sister Caddy's virginity. Really. They each handle their love of her in a different way, but none of the alternatives are good. What's even more bizarre about the story? Caddy, although she is the main focus of the novel, doesn't have a section to speak her own mind in. Thanks Faulkner, now literally everyone feels oppressed. Oh, and one more thing - "A Rose For Emily" gives everyone nightmares. Great job, thanks man. Faulkner really knows how to let us all know that when someone's absolutely nuts, their family is probably worse.
What do you think of these lessons from southern literature?
Cutest Cowboy Boots For The Summer
Last summer I lived in my cowboy boots, and I mean that almost literally. I was thrilled to come back to Tennessee from a freshman year spent in Boston, finally experience some sunlight, and put on my cowboy boots. They're nothing fancy, and they're actually just a pair I picked up at Wet Seal in high school one weekend. Point is, I love them! They go with everything, and they're cute, so there's never really a reason not to wear them. But I realized I needed to switch things up a little one day last fall when one of my fellow Northeastern Huskies walked up to me in the dining hall and slurred sarcastically at the sight of my worn out kicks, "Honey, nice boots..." Whether he meant it or not, I decided I needed some kind of update. Since
times are changing, my paychecks are finally getting a little bigger than they were in high school; I'm finally ready to let go, and move on up to something nicer!
If you're in a similar situation, check out these cute cowboy boots for the summer:
These fire engines are from Boot Barn - I know, right? Who would name their store the Boot Barn? - and they're made by Ariat. They run for $149.99, but man, do they make a statement. According to their listing, "They are made with thick and durable full-grain leather that will last through almost anything with the proper care!"
Saying this as politely as I can, these Ariat Shadas are badass. The pointed toe and the 2" heel? Yes, let's do this. They run for 129.99 with free shipping from Cavender's, and they have an "outsole tread pattern for non-slip traction and minimal tracking of mud and debris."
Corral Rose & Cross Cowboy Boots
I've pretty much skipped the crush stage and moved on to full-blown love with these bad boys. With blue roses and crosses over brown leather, they seriously bring a nice feminine touch to cowboy boots, which are supposed to be manly in the first place. They run for $239.99 at Sheplers, and although they're a bit pricier, they are completely hand-crafted and built to last.
Corral White Leather Inlay Boots
These beauties are also available at Sheplers for $239.99. The darker material? Black goatskin, and I'm not even kidding. I didn't even know they made cowboy boots out of goatskin, but these are incredible. The white patterns bring a real elegance to the whole shoe, making them pretty unforgettable!
Corral red lizard inlay western boots
I'm going to be honest and tell you that I've been trying to figure out why I have spent 20 years of my life without these tall, dark, and handsomes. They are from Corral's Vintage Collection, and they were hand-crafted in Leon, Guanajuato, Mexico. You can buy these from Sheplers for $157.97.
More to come later! Until then, happy shopping, y'all!
Best Lessons From Southern Literature
Now, just like any other culture, we take our storytelling very seriously in the south. Throughout my career as an English major, I have heard southern authors dismissed as pathetic loonies who only landed publishing deals because some crackpot felt bad for all of them. I can't exactly just accept that all writers from the entire region could be likened to The Jersey Shore's Snooki, so I'd like to share a few of my own thoughts on why some southern authors aren't completely useless.
5 Best Lessons From Southern Literature:
5. Anne Rice - Evil is bad. Real bad.
I've never been much of an Anne Rice fan, but it seems that I am the only one who isn't. If your mother doesn't have an entire collection of the New Orleans' author's novels, something is wrong. Rice's books are all about vampires, God, a struggle between being good and evil, and transformation. After her first novel, Interview With A Vampire was released in 1976 she went on to write. A lot. And she's now an incredibly popular writer, with 100 million copies of her books sold.
"My vampire novels and other novels I’ve written... are attempting to be transformative stories… All these novels involve a strong moral compass. Evil is never glorified in these books; on the contrary, the continuing battle against evil is the subject of the work. The search for the good is the subject of the work… Interview with the Vampire... is about the near despair of an alienated being who searches the world for some hope that his existence can have meaning. His vampire nature is clearly a metaphor for human consciousness or moral awareness."
So, aside from the fact that vampires have become very annoying as of late, her novels have a very heartwarming theme: Don't be bad. Even if you're perfectly good at it.
4. Cormac McCarthy: Act hopeful, even when everyone around you is a cannibal.
The Road was probably the most depressing novel I have ever come into contact with. McCarthy, a fellow Tennessean, really drops a bomb with this one. That being said, it's an incredible one. And I don't want to spoil the ending (it's happy...sort of), but it concludes the story with hope. Somehow. After roving across the desert for months and avoiding being murdered by cannibals in an hellish and post-apocalyptic setting, a father and son finally reach what they've been searching for: The sea. So after assuming they will have to commit suicide to avoid the pain of murder, they eventually do make it. So what's the moral of the story? Even if cannibals are trying to eat you left and right, you still have to act like you have hope. Because you might just earn a spot on Oprah's book list like McCarthy. Or maybe just the no-fly list.
3. Harper Lee: Being brave sometimes means you know you'll fail.
I've only met one person over the age of 12 who hasn't yet read To Kill A Mockingbird. By this I mean, everyone's read To Kill A Mockingbird, and for a good reason. It's full of lessons that make it a delectable work of art. Alabama's very own Lee had it published in July, 1960, and it's been a staple in high schools ever since. One character of immense literary speculation, Atticus Finch is a lawyer who is unlike literally any other because he believes in equality under the law (which literally everyone around him thinks is insane). As he prepares to defend an innocent man who has been wrongfully accused, he tells Jem and Scout, "Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." Finch knows that failure is imminent, but he still powers through the case because he knows he has to since no one else will. In case you forgot your middle school education, that is some seriously cool stuff.
Unfortunately this post was deleted after I published it last week (Thanks Blogger!) but the last two Southern Literature lessons will be here to blow your mind very shortly.
5 Best Lessons From Southern Literature:
I've never been much of an Anne Rice fan, but it seems that I am the only one who isn't. If your mother doesn't have an entire collection of the New Orleans' author's novels, something is wrong. Rice's books are all about vampires, God, a struggle between being good and evil, and transformation. After her first novel, Interview With A Vampire was released in 1976 she went on to write. A lot. And she's now an incredibly popular writer, with 100 million copies of her books sold.
"My vampire novels and other novels I’ve written... are attempting to be transformative stories… All these novels involve a strong moral compass. Evil is never glorified in these books; on the contrary, the continuing battle against evil is the subject of the work. The search for the good is the subject of the work… Interview with the Vampire... is about the near despair of an alienated being who searches the world for some hope that his existence can have meaning. His vampire nature is clearly a metaphor for human consciousness or moral awareness."
So, aside from the fact that vampires have become very annoying as of late, her novels have a very heartwarming theme: Don't be bad. Even if you're perfectly good at it.
The Road was probably the most depressing novel I have ever come into contact with. McCarthy, a fellow Tennessean, really drops a bomb with this one. That being said, it's an incredible one. And I don't want to spoil the ending (it's happy...sort of), but it concludes the story with hope. Somehow. After roving across the desert for months and avoiding being murdered by cannibals in an hellish and post-apocalyptic setting, a father and son finally reach what they've been searching for: The sea. So after assuming they will have to commit suicide to avoid the pain of murder, they eventually do make it. So what's the moral of the story? Even if cannibals are trying to eat you left and right, you still have to act like you have hope. Because you might just earn a spot on Oprah's book list like McCarthy. Or maybe just the no-fly list.
3. Harper Lee: Being brave sometimes means you know you'll fail.I've only met one person over the age of 12 who hasn't yet read To Kill A Mockingbird. By this I mean, everyone's read To Kill A Mockingbird, and for a good reason. It's full of lessons that make it a delectable work of art. Alabama's very own Lee had it published in July, 1960, and it's been a staple in high schools ever since. One character of immense literary speculation, Atticus Finch is a lawyer who is unlike literally any other because he believes in equality under the law (which literally everyone around him thinks is insane). As he prepares to defend an innocent man who has been wrongfully accused, he tells Jem and Scout, "Courage is not a man with a gun in his hand. It's knowing you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do." Finch knows that failure is imminent, but he still powers through the case because he knows he has to since no one else will. In case you forgot your middle school education, that is some seriously cool stuff.
Unfortunately this post was deleted after I published it last week (Thanks Blogger!) but the last two Southern Literature lessons will be here to blow your mind very shortly.
Monday, May 9, 2011
How To Act Like A Northerner
When you move to the north, no one really tells you what to expect. And some people call it culture shock, but sometimes it's less, it's so cold here and more, what am I doing here? There's a different personality, different sorts of expectations, and the sun doesn't come out for 6 whole months. Everyone wears a Northface...October through April. Leggings as pants? Dunkin Donuts? No one smiles? What is this?I can't say that nobody warned me. The summer before I left for college, I got plenty of warning. "But everyone's so mean!" "Why not go to UT?" "But it snows year-round!" I can say that I didn't care to listen. I was coming to Boston no matter what, and none of those things were going to stand in my way.
So after I've survived two years of riding the T and learning how to understand a Boston accent, I feel obligated to lend my advice to anyone in a similar situation. So here it is:
5 Ways To Act Like A Northerner:
5. Don't talk to strangers. No, really.
If I'm in Tennessee, whether I'm at the supermarket, craft store, or park, it is socially acceptable (and socially encouraged) to speak to people I don't know. In fact, the last time I was in town visiting, a woman at Michaels asked me which of two scrapbook sticker packages were cuter. If we had been copied and pasted into New England, someone would have gotten hurt. People get freaked out if you speak to them in line, or even act friendly. If you feel like acting like a yankee, just don't be polite! A bonus? Actually be rude to people while driving. Honk, flip other drivers the bird, cut everyone off - totally acceptable!
Now, where I'm from, we actually have two words for competitive physical activity: "sport," and "football." 99% of the population knows everything there is to know about football before the age of 5. If you're a Tennesseean and you don't know what bleeding orange is, something's wrong. But in the north, they only like the Patriots. They spend all of their remaining time caring about baseball, which is sometimes hard to understand. By default, I love the Red Sox. It's just that I've never seen them win anything! If you want to act like a northerner, be prepared to love the game of baseball; the players, the teams, famous plays, you name it. Oh, and a bonus is knowing which teams to hate - know how we all feel about the Gators? Channel all of it toward the Yankees.
As a seasoned Starbucks drinker, this one has been a challenge to me. Starbucks coffee is perfect! You can get it hot, cold, frozen, sweet, bitter, whatever you like. But you might find that a Starbucks is hard to come by. In exchange, we get Dunkin Donuts ("Dunkin," "Dunkin D's," "Life Source," etc). Don't get me wrong, they have amazing doughnuts. But their coffee is terrible! At best, you can land an iced coffee that has actually been stirred. At worst, you'll never want coffee again. The Starbucks addiction comes back from time to time, but just remember that you like Dunkin now, and make sure to talk about it a lot. Try something with vanilla so maybe it will be bearable.
Tanning isn't for everyone, and in fact, it's incredibly bad for you. But it's a lose-lose situation here: The sun literally does not come out for months. It goes down one night in October, and the next thing you know, it's snowing. At 3 PM, it looks like midnight. When you're used to sunny summers, crisp falls, and brief winters that lead into that season they call spring (not like I remember what that is), it's tough to deal with the half-year of winter. Watch the weather channel and try to cheer up, it'll be over soon! And by soon I mean it will be July before you can stop shivering. If you wanted to hold onto your southern tan, better check into the tanning salon for a few more months.
After I saw the same "flowing" black shirt for the 15th time, I suspected something was up. Most of my friends back home spend their time in flowery dresses, colorful headbands, and cowboy boots. Those are the things that I always thought were beautiful! But in the north, they like Anthropologie. There's this look that you absolutely have to have: Barely any makeup, flowing top, leggings, and big tall boots. Perhaps you could accuse us of being a bit of a cookie-cutter-culture in Tennessee, but we have nothing on Bostonians. Moving to the north? Get to shopping! And make sure everything you buy is black, with a bit of white and gray for some flavor.
If you move to the north, things are different! But that doesn't mean you have to be. It's so much better to just forget that being a southerner is sometimes ridiculed; after all, they do weird stuff, so why can't we?
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